Teaching Manners (The cowboy way)


Now this story somehow missed being in any of my books, even though it is truly a classic. I was once a riding double stand in in a western movie that became pretty popular. One of the stars had a bunch of their own money in the production which was running way over budget and just as far behind in the schedule. In my tradition of changing the names to protect the guilty I and the fact he was in no way shape or form a cowboy, I’ll call him Duchess.
The further behind production and over budget the movie became the grouchier he was getting. Even though he had a gopher to attend his every whim he started just pointing at people on the crew and telling them to go do something for him or bring him something. They would all complain behind his back, but not say anything to his face. I kept giving them a bad time for not standing up to him and they kept telling me “Your turn is coming,” which it did.
On the morning of question a bunch of us were waiting for things to happen when Duchess came up and told me “Go get me a bagel!”

I looked at him as seriously as I could and asked “Whats a bagel?” After he described it I said “Oh, its like a stale doughnut!” and proceeded to walk off in the opposite direction of where they kept the food (which was in back of the cabin we were standing in front of.)
“WHERE THE )*&(! ARE YOU GOING!?!?!?”
“THEY AREN’T THAT WAY!”
I proceeded to walk off in another (wrong) direction and he gave me directions…I proceeded to walk off in yet another wrong direction and he became ballistic!

“WHERE IN THE &)((&(*&!!!!!! ARE YOU GOING???? JUST HOW F&%*$$##)!!!NG STUPID ARE YOU????”

I turned around and just grinned at him. He turned redder than a light in front of a house of ill-repute and got his own bagel. The rest of riding doubles waited til he was around the corner before they started laughing, but they were rolling on the ground doing it. After that he quit telling people what to do and even began asking his gopher politely.

Remember, if you like these stories, most of them are in my books on Amazon.

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About bobkinford

Author, working ranch cowboy, reduced stress cattle handling expert, horseman, humorist, and gourmet cook.
This entry was posted in Book Excerpts, Cowboy humor, discount books. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Teaching Manners (The cowboy way)

  1. Cory Johnson says:

    too funny, Bob! I always enjoy the “cowboy” sense of humor, as convoluted as is may seem to some. Convoluted…had to look that one up…still not sure I used it right…oh,well…don’t really care if I used it right or not….

  2. bobkinford says:

    Glad you liked it Cory! Cowboys are convoluted in a twisted sort of way. It gets the point across in an indirect way that makes people think about it!

  3. I think I know who the Dutches really is. My daughter poured a pitcher of tea over his head in the reataurant where she worked. That cooled him off–in more ways than one. lol

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